I am alone. There are three paths I see: the current reality, the hopeful reality, and the fresh start.
Though I have a partner, the path of current reality is a lonely road. My partner is my best friend. There is a disconnect. This path is rocky and tough on my bare feet. This path is different than I imagined.
My lover and I want the same things but we want them at different times. He has become the unexpected rock in my path. He does not move, he does not budge. He is happy in his spot, he is comfortable.
Others ask about our future and it doesn’t feel quite right. He thinks there is so much time but all I can hear is the constant ticking, the vibrations, the ringing in my bones, day in and day out. Time passing us by, along with my dreamy expectations of life. I am committed and loved but I feel alone in it all.
That path of hopeful reality would be a compromise of sorts – a way to balance each other out. How can we both be happy?
A large gate is in front of me, blocking from the dirt path through gardens saturated with peonies and butterflies. The sun is shining down on this path and I long to feel its warmth. My eyes widen with joy and comfort when I see what lies ahead here.
He holds the key. He has the control. He is not sharing it. I am trapped and no matter what I do, I cannot unlock this gate in front of me without my partner. The current reality is clouding my brain. I cannot forget that there is hope. He will catch up to me. He will unlock this gate. I can wait patiently but do I have the endurance to do so?
The last path in this fork; the fresh start. One that is infested with fear and anxiety, but also riddled with intrigue and curiosity. What is down this path? Who will I meet? What will this new world be like? It could be merry. It could be dark. It could just end…