Foundation of Compromise

You spew loud words with emptiness behind them

Always apathetically asserting for self

 

Loud and empty apathy.

 

Our empathetic actions speak strongly for others

So rich that they shake and crack the ground

 

Shake and crack empathy.

 

These cracks expose us to the truth of all your lies

Those that decay the foundation underneath us

 

We are now seeing the foundation below

It has become a compromise of us all

 

Empty and cracked.

Phases

In order to really get to know yourself, you have to be able to embrace your darkness. We are all like the moon, we go through phases. We are in a continuous cycle of moving from full light through full dark. Our light is always a part of us. Our dark is always a part of us. You cannot understand yourself until you can embrace all it is you are.

I create when I’m dark & what you see is not all of me. I am light too.

Pylon

She leans against a pylon in the empty train stop. Her hair is blowing in the breeze and the sounds of the rustling leaves fills her head. The season is changing.

She is not yet where she hoped to be in this new season. She is no where near where she wanted to be. Actually, she hasn’t tried to change at all.

A plane flies overhead and she can feel the rumble of the engine vibrating in her feet. She wants to run but she is paralyzed. Her feet are detached from her brain. Her toes are rooted through the cement beneath her feet, dug deep underground amongst the dirt, amongst the bugs.

A blown leaf catches on her foot. She looks down and moves her feet apart. She has been a barrier for herself. She doesn’t want to block anyone or anything else. The leaf loses grip and floats away with the wind, to continue its destiny.

Indication

The soft moments with you that brush against my reality give me the the indication that we are moving in the right direction.

You are quiet. You are reserved. You are particular.

You are strong. You are sound. You are kind.

You are many things – although sometimes I think you ignore your qualities. You avoid your feelings as if they have bad intentions for you. You hush your inner voice telling you to open up.

Your walls were built to protect you, but in the end, they are hindering your growth. You have to let people in sometimes.

I am so glad we are getting somewhere.

Relish

 

Negative energy is a scary thing.

Pessimism is soul shaking.

Pain is blinding.

Denial is detrimental.

 

My depression has only provided me with the stark, low contrast, low resolution, ink blotted images of my life. My heart is deceived by this. My internal desires are completely out of balance.

When I can think clearly, when my images are colored and true, I know how special my life is. I love someone who loves me back. We are best friends. We have grown together. We know each other inside and out: I move too fast, he moves too slow; I think too impulsively, he thinks too methodically. Our hard conversations are centered around one thing: we do not meet each other in the middle.

We may not be able to agree on where things fall on the timeline but we agree on the milestones we expect to experience in our life together. I must learn to slow down and appreciate the moment. To quiet my questioning depression and relish in positive moments of love and support.