Fronds of Green

Fronds of green

Tickling the senses

Enjoying each dance in the wind

Not having a work day to begin

All is happening inside

Producing

Pumping

Emitting winter scents to us

As a reminder of the time that’s come

Our own inward dance to occur in parallel of our work days

Fronds of green

Deep desire to explore the internal life

What happens when we don’t observe?

Energetic vibrations

Rapid responses

Life force energy

An ability to continue existence despite the harsh wind

An allowance to dance

I welcome the bleak month as it means I will likely journey inwards too

And allow myself to dance in the wind

Just like those fronds of green

Meditative Journey on Spiritual Ecology with White Pine

I hear the beating of the drum and I begin to run through my backyard, directly to the White Pine trees I call friends. I slow down as soon as I reach them. I slide my hand over the needles on the left tree to say hello. As I walk towards the next one, I slip through a tunnel in the ground. I slide down into the Lower World as gracefully as a snowflake falls to your chin in winter.

I am not just a body. I am spirit. I am ethereal.

When I reach the ground, it is very dark. My gut is telling me to go further forward. I am running free and fast. I only see two things; a rich emerald green floor and an consuming black sky. All of a sudden, I feel an energetic pull violently stop me in my tracks. The dirt floor begins to shake and a large deep crevice appears right next to me. The path is now blocked by a large crack in the ground and I cannot move. My mind fixates on my feet. I am stuck, I am stationary. When I lift my head to survey the area around me, I notice that on the other side of the crack, there is another person. It is not until my eyes settle into focus that I realize the person is me.

My view is my reflection.

I am naked, stripped of the modern clothes and items I carried here. My feet begin to pulsate, I can feel vibrations radiating up my leg in waves.

Standing behind the reflection of me is the sun, large and powerful. But when I look behind me, I see a blanket of teal covering the governing black sky I saw before. It smears over the sky like a shooting star, now rippling with hues of navy and purple. The sky is glinting with stars and the light of a first quarter moon.

I stand with my reflection. We smile at one another and send each other waves of kindness, appreciation, and understanding. We turn to our respective celestials with arms wide-stretched. We take in the rays of light. Then we turn slowly in a spiral form to observe the world and take in the essence around us. We end facing one another again and begin a silent mediation.

As time passes, the scene behind me begins to brighten to day. The scene in front of me transitions to night. I wave hello to Orion and send a kiss to Betelgeuse and Rigel.

I feel grateful and aware.

I see a raccoon. I see Mother Earth standing tall in tones that shimmer silvery gray and green. Her face is old but filled with joy and pride as she towers before us. I bow down to her and hug the ground.

She is with us every day if I remain aware and ground myself.

As I embrace the soil, the transition occurs again. I lay there as the light shifts from day to night, over and over. Days are passing and I am embracing in appreciation.

The sun is in front of me now. So large, I cannot see sky in my view. The only thing I see is the warm and bright surface of the sun, filled with fire, glory, and fury. This is our governor – he helps us track the day. This is our protector – he helps keep us warm. This is our healer – he helps our world grow. I kneel before the sun in appreciation.

I feel rejoiced to live in harmony with the light.

With my head down in gratitude, I feel the day shift back to night. I lift my head high towards the night sky and begin to stand up with arms wide-stretched again. A beam of light reaches towards me and my reflection. We are beamed up past the sky and into a silvery divine sphere. We are now levitating within the Upper World.

I feel the spirit of our dear Mother Earth present. I feel the waves of vibrations again. This is her heartbeat.

Our heartbeat in sync.

 

***

DATE OF JOURNEY: 12 February 2019

DETAILS: Drumming / Bath /Body submerged in Well Water, White Pine needles and twigs, & Sea Salt

FROM MY NOTEBOOK: I begin running to the white pine in my backyard and once I get around them – slip! I tank down into the underworld with a graceful fall like the snow outside. I am running forward. It is dark and the only colors I see are emerald green and black. I am running, running, and then, I halt. A large crack appears and I am almost swallowed whole. Something, some form of energy, pulled me back. I see a reflection of myself on the other side. I am naked. I feel pulsation on my feet. The sun is large and overpowering on that side but I look behind me and it is the blanket of the sky at night filled with beautiful glinting stars. I stand with my reflection. Our arms wide stretched taking in the essence and spirit of the world as the day shifts to night in front of me and shifts to day behind me. In front of me now is the teal cover of the night; teal, navy purple hues and beautiful stars above. I see Orion and I wave hello. I feel appreciative. I see a raccoon. I see Mother Earth standing tall in silvery gray/green tones. A look of pure joy on her face. I hug the ground now as the transition occurs. Day/night/day/night, What feels like days go by. The sun is in front of me now. The almighty father, our protector, our healer. I feel appreciative and small. As it transitions back to night, I look up at the stars with a cold face. A beam of light reaches me and my reflection and we are beamed up past the sky and into a silvery ethereal sphere and in that moment I realize that this is our dear mother. The birth of us. The birth of all. We are her heart and she is ours. Our vibrations are heartbeats in sync. Spiritual Ecology is us.

 

If you’re interested in exploring Spiritual Ecology or our Earth relationship further, please follow Kailea Sonrisa @earthisohana on instagram. She started a Spiritual Ecology book club that people can participate in from afar. This meditative journey is a part of my participation in response to prompt #1.  I highly recommend joining. Let’s read/heal/exist together!

 

Journey to meet Mugwort

I sit there in silence, anxiousness and anticipation swallows me whole. What will come of my journey to meet dear Mugwort? The drum starts beating and I breathe.

With every exhale, I lose anxiousness. With every inhale, I think of Mugwort.

I am transformed. I am young again and I am in my parent’s back yard. It is a beautiful sunny day. I am about to go onto the hammock. On my way, I see a gaping hole in the tree. I am called to climb in. Although it is dark, I am not scared. I begin to descend the ladder. Descension last a long time here. Step by step. It remains dark. Does she not want to meet me? I’m anxious again. I am climbing down the ladder rapidly now. I want out of here.

As soon as I begin to panic, it starts getting lighter. A cool, silvery, emerald green light shines into the tree trunk. I see the opening below me and the tops of the trees. The dense tree tops reflect a silvery light against their rich navy, teal, green, and purple leaves.

I finally make it to the bottom. Damp and cool soil is below foot. I begin to walk forward, and the colors begin to change. A shift from cool to warm. During this transition a rabbit and a deer rush past me on the left side. I am nervous again. Why are they running? What are they running from?

I continue on the path in strength.

The further I go, the brighter it gets. The light becomes blinding and I realize I am standing next to the sun. I could kiss it. I am surrounded by warmth and orange tones, but I begin to feel a strong wind spiral around me. I feel a transition.

I am not meeting Mugwort, I am becoming her.

I stand there grounded; unwavering, bold, and tall. I feel beautiful. I have no fears. I have no reason to worry.

I am strong. I am powerful. I am woman.

From afar, I hear the footsteps. I feel vibrations underneath me. I sense a bear is approaching me. The birds begin to chirp. I don’t waver.

I am reminded of my inner strength.

 

***

 

DATE OF JOURNEY: 29 October 2018

DETAILS: Drumming / Sitting Crossed-Legged / Palms Face-Up / Mugwort in Right Hand

FROM MY NOTEBOOK: I began to descend into the tree in my parent’s backyard. I climb in and start going down via ladder. It was dark and enriched with browns and blacks. Felt like I was on the descent for a long time. I begin to see an opening with tree cover – rich and bold cool colors., teal and purple and navy. I finally reach the ground. I start walking towards the light. As I am going down this path, a deer and a rabbit run past me. It opens up and it is bright. Like I could kiss the sun. Standing there tall. Strong. My hand starts to tingle (right hand filled with Mugwort). I can feel strong . . . tough footsteps. The vibration. I hear chirping. I quickly run back and ascend back into my parent’s yard. When I awoke and started writing, I could feel tingling on my head. Similar to reiju.

Pattering Rain

The rain patters against the windshield. I am not ready to leave the comfort of his energy. I want to stay and lay all day in each others arms. He exits his door and walks over to me. He kisses me and whispers “stay dry today” and off I went. The day has begun and I am still not ready. Still dreaming of his comforting love that makes physical impacts on me and makes me feel alive.

Phases

In order to really get to know yourself, you have to be able to embrace your darkness. We are all like the moon, we go through phases. We are in a continuous cycle of moving from full light through full dark. Our light is always a part of us. Our dark is always a part of us. You cannot understand yourself until you can embrace all it is you are.

I create when I’m dark & what you see is not all of me. I am light too.

i am a moon.

When did I become the moon? Engrossed in dark femininity, trying to maintain my light for myself and others. I shine most of the time but I still have times of darkness. When people think of me, they forget about the phase when I fade away. When my light goes out and I feel like I can’t move on. Luckily, everything happens in phases.

 

hello sliver moon

Hello sliver moon

You’re keeping me company this morning

Hello sliver moon

My heart has been in mourning

 

Hello sliver moon

My depression has started re-forming

Hello sliver moon

My emotions are so warring

 

Hello sliver moon

Your light is joyful and roaring

Hello sliver moon

You’re sending my heart soaring

 

Hello sliver moon

I hope your energy is a warning

Hello sliver moon

I hope my own light is aborning

 

Hello sliver moon

My world has been dark and pouring

Hello sliver moon

I’m so glad you visited me this morning

pinned

At times, my life feels like the overplayed scene of a woman pinned between a car and a tree. She is stuck, immobile, and has seconds left. She seeks last words but none come to mind. A review of her well-routined life and her free time spent sulking. Ready to say goodbye.

Cycles

With each breath, crisp fall air fills her lungs with decay and sorrow. She is sick. The plants are dying and the birds are migrating. Her body is preparing for the dark season.

The coming months will be without sunlight. The air will grow cold, eventually, bone chilling. She will do fine the first few months but the bleak will get to her in due time. The depression will take over but she cannot forget it will be cured again with sunlight and a warm embrace.

Pylon

She leans against a pylon in the empty train stop. Her hair is blowing in the breeze and the sounds of the rustling leaves fills her head. The season is changing.

She is not yet where she hoped to be in this new season. She is no where near where she wanted to be. Actually, she hasn’t tried to change at all.

A plane flies overhead and she can feel the rumble of the engine vibrating in her feet. She wants to run but she is paralyzed. Her feet are detached from her brain. Her toes are rooted through the cement beneath her feet, dug deep underground amongst the dirt, amongst the bugs.

A blown leaf catches on her foot. She looks down and moves her feet apart. She has been a barrier for herself. She doesn’t want to block anyone or anything else. The leaf loses grip and floats away with the wind, to continue its destiny.

distant company

The lonely sinks in after 3 nights of sitting on the screen porch. Complete quiet except for the low buzz of the insects in the grass. She sits there in her thoughts while she looks out for some wildlife company.

After some time, she hears some rustling from the edge of the wood and in the distance she spots two eyes. A deer has come to feed on the dandelions.

Their eyes connect. She understands that the deer wants his space. The deer understands that she will give him peace. She finds comfort in no longer being alone.

Shoved

I am trying to find the words to paint my memory. To illustrate how ridiculous our actions were. Years ago, in the car, turning from one forested street to another, the sun shining through the trees. The backdrop was calm. It did not fit the scene. We were screaming over nothingness, making accusations and exclamations, shoving one another. Hormones were high and the wounds were deep. We were hurting each other.

I was ungrateful – and to be honest, I still am. My feelings are tainted by pain that is self-inflicted. I am sick and I am sad.

 

My Ally

I’m standing on the stairway at the end of the beige corridor. The lights are low. The tone of the scene matches my insides. Dark and worried. Silent.

I glance down the hallway and she is in the doorway. He had knocked on her door looking for me. They both turn my direction, looking my way as if they were deer in the night.

She is peeking at me from the 5 inch crack in the door. He face is pale and worried. Her hair is up and frazzled. She stands there in her vintage pajamas, pastel and faded. She is giving off a low, frightened energy. It seems like he may have interrupted her while she was crying in there alone.

When we meet eyes, she frowns at me in the most loving way you could imagine. I don’t return the look. I stare; blank. Empty. Bleak and broken.

Our pain is so similar, yet nothing alike. When my pain freezes me in time, her pain shatters her entire world. When my pain rings loudly in everyone’s’ ears and runs red streaks throughout my sight, her pain doesn’t make a peep. Even though our pain speaks different truths, it is still pain.

I keep replaying this 10 second moment in my head. I have guilt for not returning the look. I was too strong in my emptiness. I regret not saying hello earlier in the evening. I regret not smiling in that moment.

I should have conveyed that we are wearing the same shields. I should’ve conveyed that we are on the same muddy battlefield, giving it our all, fighting the same war. I should’ve conveyed that we were allies, at risk for losing the same thing. We must gaurd our lives together as a team.

 

Goodbye

Show off his craft and woodworking, the pieces of his time.

Remember the things he enjoyed, his love of deep red wine.

Rest in the home together, the one that he built with you in mind.

Hold one another close, and finally say goodbye.

Delicate Falls

I wanted to take you on the hike we completed recently. The hike with the rocks. The hike with the heights. The hike with lover’s leap. But I stopped myself because I was too scared you would purposefully jump off the highest cliff, into the rocky abyss. Visions of you crying, standing there. Your delicate jump. Your delicate fall. Your hair flowing and your nightgown waving. With everything smashing to pieces before my eyes.

I couldn’t take you there, not even in my mind.

Tired

The pain is radiating from my ear lobe to my jaw. I can feel it with every move I take. The quite too familiar ear infection, plaguing the weekend I so looked forward to. I thought I was in need of a break before but somehow life pushes us beyond our wildest expectations and forces us to keep on. Shows us how strong we are. Shows us that we can never give up.
I’m tired today. It was an interesting weekend.