Trailing along the tree farm, the winter breeze runs past my lips. The exhilarating chill seeps into my body with a remembrance of our love celebrated last year. The sun comes out and we feel his warmth touch our face. This is love.
In order to really get to know yourself, you have to be able to embrace your darkness. We are all like the moon, we go through phases. We are in a continuous cycle of moving from full light through full dark. Our light is always a part of us. Our dark is always a part of us. You cannot understand yourself until you can embrace all it is you are.
I create when I’m dark & what you see is not all of me. I am light too.
The sun was just waking up to begin his day. His rays were blinding with their all-encompassing light. He filled my soul and gave me the energy I needed to face the trip home. Quickly, we spiraled down the mountain like drips off an ice cream cone.
We plunged into the ground and we then awoke.
With each breath, crisp fall air fills her lungs with decay and sorrow. She is sick. The plants are dying and the birds are migrating. Her body is preparing for the dark season.
The coming months will be without sunlight. The air will grow cold, eventually, bone chilling. She will do fine the first few months but the bleak will get to her in due time. The depression will take over but she cannot forget it will be cured again with sunlight and a warm embrace.
This week has started off in grey-scale. My light was dark and dim and grim. I saw my life through colorless lenses. I saw my love the same way.
The past work days have dragged on. Endless questions on where I am, where I am going, and what I am doing. I am confused.
Depression can take over me at times out of nowhere. I am emotionally tortured – held at gunpoint and too cowardly and ashamed to ask for help. Reminiscent of the past. Reminiscent of something I am still struggling with although I pretend that I’ve moved on.
This week has finally turned blue… in a good way. The sky looks so good, I could just dive in. My God, the Sun, is out there shining down. I feel the warmth on my skin. I am relieved that it is no longer dark.
I need to find a bigger purpose. I need to heal myself and my soul. I look forward to going to the lake this weekend.
Must spend some time outside. Must spend some time exercising and eating healthy. Must spend some time between the pines or in the water. Must spend time being me.