I sit there in silence, anxiousness and anticipation swallows me whole. What will come of my journey to meet dear Mugwort? The drum starts beating and I breathe.
With every exhale, I lose anxiousness. With every inhale, I think of Mugwort.
I am transformed. I am young again and I am in my parent’s back yard. It is a beautiful sunny day. I am about to go onto the hammock. On my way, I see a gaping hole in the tree. I am called to climb in. Although it is dark, I am not scared. I begin to descend the ladder. Descension last a long time here. Step by step. It remains dark. Does she not want to meet me? I’m anxious again. I am climbing down the ladder rapidly now. I want out of here.
As soon as I begin to panic, it starts getting lighter. A cool, silvery, emerald green light shines into the tree trunk. I see the opening below me and the tops of the trees. The dense tree tops reflect a silvery light against their rich navy, teal, green, and purple leaves.
I finally make it to the bottom. Damp and cool soil is below foot. I begin to walk forward, and the colors begin to change. A shift from cool to warm. During this transition a rabbit and a deer rush past me on the left side. I am nervous again. Why are they running? What are they running from?
I continue on the path in strength.
The further I go, the brighter it gets. The light becomes blinding and I realize I am standing next to the sun. I could kiss it. I am surrounded by warmth and orange tones, but I begin to feel a strong wind spiral around me. I feel a transition.
I am not meeting Mugwort, I am becoming her.
I stand there grounded; unwavering, bold, and tall. I feel beautiful. I have no fears. I have no reason to worry.
I am strong. I am powerful. I am woman.
From afar, I hear the footsteps. I feel vibrations underneath me. I sense a bear is approaching me. The birds begin to chirp. I don’t waver.
I am reminded of my inner strength.
DATE OF JOURNEY: 29 October 2018
DETAILS: Drumming / Sitting Crossed-Legged / Palms Face-Up / Mugwort in Right Hand
FROM MY NOTEBOOK: I began to descend into the tree in my parent’s backyard. I climb in and start going down via ladder. It was dark and enriched with browns and blacks. Felt like I was on the descent for a long time. I begin to see an opening with tree cover – rich and bold cool colors., teal and purple and navy. I finally reach the ground. I start walking towards the light. As I am going down this path, a deer and a rabbit run past me. It opens up and it is bright. Like I could kiss the sun. Standing there tall. Strong. My hand starts to tingle (right hand filled with Mugwort). I can feel strong . . . tough footsteps. The vibration. I hear chirping. I quickly run back and ascend back into my parent’s yard. When I awoke and started writing, I could feel tingling on my head. Similar to reiju.
Laying there, covered in pine branches, I am struggling to settle down. After minutes of stirring inside myself, I feel my body yearn for this connection. Suddenly, I sense myself flying up into a gray, cloudy sky. It is the dead bleak of winter; the fields are empty and frosted, and I can feel the wind whip across my face. I am on a dormant farm. There is a wood fence and a white horse with muddled/organic black spots.
I am sustained in the silence – I am existing in the bleak.
I am suddenly indoors, warmed by the lit hearth of a small cottage. The atmosphere of the fire felt like the familiarity of home. The comfort sets my soul afire and I am now following an eagle soaring through the sky. He sits atop the White Pine, perched and looking out.
He is settled and so am I.
I settle into myself and I am now feeling the warmth of the cottage again. I see my hands and a flour covered table top. Dough has been made and is set aside. This dough will feed my family.
It is healing and we will be whole.
I feel White Pine connect with my left arm, the subtle comfort of a hug.
I am encouraged to share the worth and medicinal/healing properties of White Pine with people who may overlook this tree & take it for granted.
This is life sustaining.
DATE OF JOURNEY: 17 December 2018
DETAILS: Drumming / Laying Down / Covered in White Pine Branches
FROM MY NOTEBOOK: This wasn’t the most easy journey and it went back and forth between 2 difference scenarios. One scenario was a cold and bleak winter scene outdoors. I saw a fence and a horse. It cut to a hearth/cottage, warm and a fire lit. Felt comfortable. Cut back outdoors to an eagle soaring high then perched on top looking out. Back indoors I saw a table with flour and dough on it. Felt like I was healing my family. Life sustaining. Twitch on my left arm. Felt like she told me to honor her by sharing her worth with unsuspecting people.
– hot/cold – healing – food/flour/bread – hearth – horse – eagle – peace/blissful
We dropped her off
in the ocean dusk.
All that remained
was sand and dust.
wall of december
candle lit with rusty hues
stood honoring yule
I have been standing
though my bones weak. Finally
I feel strong today
You spew loud words with emptiness behind them
Always apathetically asserting for self
Loud and empty apathy.
Our empathetic actions speak strongly for others
So rich that they shake and crack the ground
Shake and crack empathy.
These cracks expose us to the truth of all your lies
Those that decay the foundation underneath us
We are now seeing the foundation below
It has become a compromise of us all
Empty and cracked.